!!! DAD'S 1st EVER CONTEST/GIVEAWAY !!!
Read the post below.. details are at the end.
Read the post below.. details are at the end.
Holy Moly.. I could write a book on the subject of manners. Like many from my generation, I was taught about manners from a very young age. What I didn't learn from my parents I learned in etiquette classes at school. My how times have changed! I try not to be pessimistic, but it seems like manners, etiquette, and yes.. even common decency, all seem to be falling by the wayside amongst young and old alike.
I usually try to refrain from using my blog as a platform to vent, but there are things I've seen in the last few months that I just can't get out of my head. Maybe I can find solace by talking about them here. I know I can't be the only one that notices these disturbing trends. Here are just a few examples that prove to me.. just how far our society has fallen manner-wise.
Holding a door open for someone
I don't expect anyone to hold a door open for me. People lead busy lives and have lots on their minds, so I can't hold it against anyone who doesn't do so for me. I however, choose to make a conscience effort to do so whenever possible. If I am already entering a building, I will gladly pause for a few seconds so someone won't have to open the door themselves. I also make a point to step aside and let women and senior citizens enter a building before myself.
I must give credit for my manners to my parents, particularly my old man. I remember Dad instructing me to open doors for mothers with children in tow, and for senior citizens back when I was only five years old. He never had to explain why I should do so, it was just something "I got".
When I see a senior citizen, my mind starts to wander. What kinds of heartache, joy, or trials and tribulations have they endured during their lifetime? Their lives are truly something to be admired, and they deserve our respect and honor. As for women, they should be regarded as precious, and need to be treasured for no other reason than because they are women.
That being said, let me share what happened to me twice in recent months while holding the door for someone. The first was at the post office one afternoon. I had four boxes in one arm and was opening the door with the other. As I readied to enter the building, I noticed two women getting ready to exit, so I stepped aside and held the door open for them. Both looked me straight in the eye and walked by without saying a word. As the second woman walked by, I heard something faintly hit the ground. It was a couple of envelopes and a book of stamps. I quickly said "Ma'am.. are those yours?" The woman turned around, first looked at me.. and then at the ground where I was pointing, as I held the door open with my elbow.
The woman let out a deep sigh similar to what I'd hear from my kids when I ask them to empty the dishwasher. She walked back into the building, quickly snatched the envelopes from the doorway, turned around, and walked off without uttering a single word to me. Let me clarify that I don't expect a "thank you" for holding a door open for someone, but I thought it was pretty rude in this particular case not to even acknowledge my efforts. For a second I thought maybe these ladies didn't speak English, until one called to the other and said "What was it?" the other replied non nonchalantly, "My credit card bills and stamps".
The second situation took place at a restaurant with my family of five. From the window, we could see there was already a line forming in front of the cash register. My son held the door open for us as we prepared to enter, when I noticed an elderly couple about twenty feet away slowly approaching. I instructed my kids to step aside and let them enter before us. As they walked past us, there was no acknowledgment to my son for holding the door open, and that was perfectly fine.. no harm done.
When we were ready to enter the building, the
I kept wondering.. "How does he think this heavy door is staying open?" But the story gets better. As his family of eight casually walked up to the door, each and every one of them ignored us as well! They obviously saw us holding the door for them and dear old dad, and that we were waiting to enter the restaurant as well. I could do nothing else but shake my head, laugh, and think.. "Wow.. that's one big gene pool of rudeness!"
I'm not going to lie. There's been many times that I've thought "That's the last time I hold a door open for anyone!" But who am I kidding.. I'm not going to let rude people change me for the worse. Imagine how the world would be if everyone took this attitude!
Respect for the Dead
I was driving home not too long ago on a little side road, when I noticed a funeral procession approaching. I was in the process of turning onto the road from a cross street, so I immediately pulled over, removed my hat, and waited for them to pass. What I saw next was something that made my stomach turn. I was parked in front of an International House of Pancakes, and noticed a two door Honda coupe readying to exit the parking lot. I assumed he was going to wait for the procession to pass as well, but apparently wherever he had to go was more important than waiting a minute or so for them to pass by.
This moron peels out of the parking lot at full speed, narrowly squeezing between the passenger side fender of the hearse, and the broadside of a car that was also parked and waiting for the funeral procession to pass. You could noticeably see the hearse hit its brakes and swerve to the left, resulting in the family's cars directly behind it having to brake hard as well. What's more.. it was one of those "customized" cars with a big spoiler, tacky paint job, glittered window tint, and obnoxious muffler that made the car sound like a sick bumble bee. As the idiot sped off in front of the procession, I sat there horrified wondering how the family must have felt. Here they are on the way to a loved ones burial, the only one there will ever be for that person.. no chances for do overs. It's already a somber occasion, and the family didn't need any more sadness or misery. This idiots actions may have very well traumatized this poor family for years to come.
On a side note, have you noticed how quick people are to joke about the recently deceased? It's no more than a matter of hours that a celebrity can pass away, and jokes start circulating about them. This just doesn't feel right to me, and never has.
Attire
What's happened to us? Look at pre 1960's movies, news reels, pictures from newspapers, and magazines, and you'll notice that most everyone used to dress much nicer. Now I'm not saying that men should go to baseball games in suits, and women should wear dresses in most social situations. In fact.. I'm all about being comfortable! I adore my flip flops, cargo shorts, bowling shirts, and blue jeans. However, don't go to a nice restaurant, graduation, wedding, or funeral, in Crocs, flannel, or camouflage prints. Unless of course the guests of honor (or deceased) wanted it that way. Then.. knock yourself out!
I could go on and on about situations similar to the ones I've listed, but I think I'm going to wrap it up now. While I do believe there is a serious lack of manners, common decency, and compassion in society, there are also multitudes of good people who are class acts. People like the man who told me I had dropped my cellphone, the woman who returned my lost wallet, and the little boy who held the door open for me at the mall, give me hope that all is not lost. I guess all I can do, is try and raise my kids to be compassionate and productive members of society, and they in turn will make the world a nicer place to live.
Dad's 1st contest / Giveaway!
So how about you? Do peoples manners (or lack thereof) really irk you? Here's your chance to sound off about it. Share a story, experiences, or thoughts about lousy manners, kind of like I did in my post above. The comment that has the most profound effect on me, will win a fabulous mystery prize that any retro enthusiast will adore!! The winner will be announced on Sunday, June 6th.
The mystery prize has a value of around $15.00, is gently used, and is from my personal collection. It's guaranteed to calm you down after a long day of dealing with people who have less than desirable manners. Good luck!
Wow! Where to start? That's some pretty bad manners you've witnessed. And some people really take "casual attire" to the extreme.
ReplyDeleteWhat really gets me these days is people who must be on their phone at all times. I notice it with people at work, or in line at Subway getting lunch, or anywhere, really. They like to talk at full volume to let everyone know how important they are. When you try to talk to them, they hold their finger in the air, as if to say "hold on a minute, I'm on the phone with someone who's actually important." Or they have one of those ear buds, and you think the person is talking to you, but no--they are on the phone, and how foolish you are to think they are talking to you and how rude you are interrupting their conversation! Most recently, I went to a restaurant with a co-worker and one of their neighbors, and the neighbor's friend. Throughout dinner, my co-worker's guests were on their phones texting away (maybe to each other--who knows?) and pretty much ignoring the flesh and blood people with them. This continued when we went to my co-worker's house. We tried to talk with these two, or start conversations, but they were playing with their phones the whole time. We did find out that one of these people SLEEPS with their phone, and the other has their phone ring whenever they get a message on Facebook. Say what?!
Excellent post, and I totally agree with you. I used to serve the public renting cars, waitressing and cashiering. I am so glad I got out of that.
ReplyDeletePeople can be so rude sometimes. I wouldn't expect any acknowlegement from the elderly if I do anything for them.
I do apologize for my gender in not acknowleging when a man opens the door for them. It is honestly rude. It is never okay to ignore someone who is being polite. Maybe they feel entitled, who knows.
Manners and morals , I'm afraid are sadly forgotten in this day and age.Great post.
ReplyDeleteOh man, kudos to you big time! Great post! I talk about this sort of behavior all of the time. I agreed with every word. Just so you know, I get the door held open all the time for me by men (and occasionally women) and I *always* acknowledge them with an audible thank you! Like you, I've been the door holder with no response and it irks me!
ReplyDeleteOK, I'll share a story although I hope it doesn't offend the parents out there. I've noticed more and more that parents simply don't teach their kids how to behave in a store, library, or other public place. They let them run around and scream and play which I don't understand. A couple of years ago I was in a cute wine/food shop/deli combo store in my town, and this lady had two kids with her, a young boy and girl. The place is full of wine glasses and other delicate items. The two kids were running round and round an island display in the middle of the store floor full of wine glasses. She was completely oblivious to what they were doing.
I thought the kids would eventually stop, but they didn't. At one point they almost barreled into me as I was looking at wine. So I said in a voice loud enough for the mother to hear, "Stop that! You don't run around in a store!" They went back over to their mother and she didn't say anything to them or me.
As she was laving, I said very loudly, "THAT was pathetic." She came up to me and said, "Excuse me?" I said, "Your kids' behavior....letting them run around a store like this. Pathetic."
"They weren't bothering you" she said angrily. I said, "Um, as a matter of fact they were, and they're bothering everyone in this store including the staff. This is a place full of delicate glass items - who do you think is going to pay for it if they break something?"
At that point she told me to f*** off....right in front of her children! Great way to teach them! I guess she couldn't think of anything else to say. And the kids went running out the door way before her....they could've run into the street and been hit by a car by this point.
Here's the best part of the story...the workers behind the deli had been watching all this. When the owner of the store/deli rang up my purchases, she thanked me profusely. She said that lady and her kids come in every week and they always wreck havoc and run around and she never says a word. We ended up having a nice chat about it and she told me, "I hope YOU have a GREAT day!"
So that's the one story that had stuck with me all this time. Maybe I was rude to say something but I just couldn't take it anymore - I snapped. I probably wouldn't do it again as some people are psychos and you just don't know what they're going to do, but I don't regret saying something out loud to her.
You obviously are a great dad to teach your kids to hold the door open for others - and that elderly couple and family were so ignorant to not acknowledge it.
Please and thank you. Two words missing from the vocabulary of so many people I have met in my lifetime.
ReplyDeleteAlso the concept of being on time for work or an event/appointment/gathering. It shows INCREDIBLE disrespect to other people involved to be late (without a valid reason). On my own birthday, where I was invited out to dinner by them, my brother and his family were late 45 minutes with no reason except they just don't have a concept of time. It's a constant in the family and we know we will always have to wait anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour. Once year for Thanksgiving dinner they were late THREE hours. Yes, we probably should account for their tardiness and be late ourselves but I cannot do that. They give a cursory "sorry we're late" but it doesn't mean anything to them. VERY annoying.
Well, everyone has pretty well covered my beefs - the not dressing up for weddings and funerals chaps my hide. But the biggest one for me is the lack of respect for older people. My mom is 83 years old, and I can't count the times she's been pushed, knocked into, ignored or bumped in a grocery store. No one says "excuse me" or "I'm sorry". It's so bad that I practically run interference for her now.
ReplyDeleteAnd doors - I hold doors open for whoever is behind me, woman, man, young or old. I can't count how many times I've had one slammed in my face.
I blame parents for their rude young ones, and I blame the parents of the parents for their kids!!
You said it well, the status quo of manners today is a disgrace. When you point it out though people just get angry so I just try to influence by example. Some are completely dumbfounded when you close a car door for them or pull out their chair...it's like their little ego centric brains are backfiring!
ReplyDeleteAllow me to echo ALL of the above! I too often speak of this: The lack of common manners.
ReplyDeleteNo one really taught me manners, but my folks were older when I was born, so it's an instinct I already had. I always open doors or leave them open if anyone is entering or exiting.
I always acknowledge hard working store cashiers or people who work with the public because I know how rude people can be.
I always allow people on the road space to enter the freeway, or exit, or change lanes if they seem to be in a hurry. I wave people out of driveways if it's a busy road and I see them waiting.
If I have the opportunity I always offer my seat to older people, women in particular. Once, getting on the tram to ride down to the parking lot after a long day at the Getty museum, I jumped up and offered my seat to an elderly woman. I knew if I was tired, she must be exhausted. Her husband was astonished. He said: "No one offers their seat anymore! Thank you kindly!"
These little thoughtful things we pass on to others is such a small thing, but it can make a big difference in someones life.
Also, be sure to smile at older people wherever you go. Sadly most of them don't even get visits by their adult children nor grandkids. People don't respect our older folks like they should, so we need to make a little extra effort to be kind to them.
Thanks for this post, and thanks for being a *real* gentleman. We need more of you!
Great, great post Darrin. And great comments. I agree with all and everybody. But due to my job I am partial to those pointing out the kids not being taught how to behave.... with parents busily chattering away in their phones. ARRRGGHH!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. My pet peeve (and I am going to sound like an old lady here) is when I am waiting in a car at a crosswalk and people (usually high schoolers or younger) take their sweet time crossing. Arrrggghhhh!!!! Then the junior psychologist in me comes out and I realize that this is just a way of getting control and power in a world in which they have very little.
ReplyDeleteThen I feel better. But I still want to just nudge them a little with my car.
Fantastic post!!! Thoroughly enjoyed reading it...and the comments that followed. I can SO related to all the beefs aired here.
ReplyDeleteIn my personal experience, some of the rudest scenarios take place when I see people walking their dogs and allowing them to crap on everyone's lawns, out in the green space where children play, on the sidewalks even, where people walk!!! The "rude" part comes into play when they refuse to pick up their dog's mess as though they're "above that". It's against the law in my municipality (and many others I've visited), yet these idiots feel exempt, somehow!
Would it be considered just as rude to pick up their dog's presents and hurl them at the back of their heads as they walk away? Just askin'.
You've covered all of my pet peeves pretty well, but the door one gets me every time. I always go out of my way to smile and say thank you when a door is held for me, but when I hold the door for others and they just prance right by and ignore me, I holler (very sweetly and VERY loudly) "You're welcome! Have a nice day!" Oh, the looks I get - priceless. :)
ReplyDeleteI wish I could say I was shocked by your story of the Honda and the hearse. However, I'm not. I see this disgusting behavior on a daily basis. It has become our society's "norm" and I hate it.
ReplyDeleteI feel that I'm living in the wrong generation because I yearn for the days when women were feminine and treated like ladies. When good men were gentlemen and treated with respect. When children wouldn't dream of disrespecting adults (let alone their parents). When strangers took time for small talk. Yes, if only I had a time machine I would step back into time. However, I don't and I can't be responsible for those around me. So I do the next best thing by making sure my family is raised to conduct themselves appropriate in public at all times.
I feel that there isn't any standards anymore. People do what they want based on how they feel; not what is right and wrong. That's why you have a young man cutting off a hearse. Little Johny doesn't want to wait for his Starbucks, etc.. So we are suppose to make room for him and look the other way silently. Of course we do not dare say something or else we might upset him and be labeled intolerant (the horror). Can't have that now. I remember when our nation use to honor God and God's word. When we raised boys to be strong men. When women had standards and demanded to be treated like a lady. When you were respected by your honest character, not for what you own. We use to be a great nation and oooohhh have we fallen short. Thankfully our children have been taught by our schools/society to be tolerant (no standards). Now they can adapt to the pig sty we've left for them (soceity).
My pet peeve is filthy language. People drop the "F" bomb all the time in public (in front of children). Wish people would expand their vocabulary a little. Very vulgar to use such language in public.
I have posted my retro giveaway on my blog. Check it out! Sorry my comment is so long. Great post.
Where do I begin? I've written entire posts on this - and ones that have been inspired by a person's lack of manners:
ReplyDeletehttp://riotkitty.blogspot.com/2010/04/manners.html
http://riotkitty.blogspot.com/2009/06/blog-fever.html
http://riotkitty.blogspot.com/2007/07/to-mailman-keep-your-paws-off-our-cake.html
Once, when I was younger, I held the door for a very old man and woman. They went straight through without a word. I had held a lot of doors that day and was probably a little out of line, when I said to the person next to me "Don't say thank you or anything". Turns out the old man heard me. He walked over and said, "Sonny, thank you for holding the door. I've got so much on my mind I didn't even realize you were standing there. Heck, I didn't even realize there was a door." Since then, I just hold the door and shut up. Never know why people do what they do, or what kind of day they had, right?
ReplyDeleteBTW - I think manners depend a lot on the region. Back in Philly you could drop dead on the sidewalk and people would step on you. Down here on the East Coast of South Florida, they would at least stop and call an ambulance. On the West Coast of FL they'd prop you up, give you a shot of adrenaline, and invite you home for dinner!
Found another one:
ReplyDeletehttp://riotkitty.blogspot.com/2009/05/grocery-check-out-etiquette.html
What a fabulous post! Yes, manners are lacking in so many areas today, and I hate to sound like an old fogey, so I'm happy that somebody younger than me said it. I haven't had your exact experiences - I find most people polite when it comes to opening doors, but I see plenty of moronic and rude behavior out there. I mean, "moron" seems to be the favorite word hubby and I share these days - unbelievable. I would love to see manners come back in style but I can't imagine what would make that happen. My fear is that Facebook and Twitter is making people so self-absorbed, society will never recover.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Chris that it depends on where you live. When we left the San Francisco Bay Area for Oregon, we couldn't wait to leave the rudeness behind. I'm speaking in general terms here but it all became way too stressful during the dot com boom. Oregon was a breath of fresh air and probably one of the most well-mannered, friendly places we've lived. Florida (Tampa) was also another breath of fresh air - they even have sheriffs directing traffic, escorting people to church! So remembering how tough NorCal was, we were pleasantly surprised at how mannerly many people in SoCal (Orange County) have been. Or maybe it's because we're mostly hanging out at Disneyland and the casual laid-back beach cities.
Thanks for allowing me to join in the venting, but allow me to be mannerly and offer to give somebody else a chance for the prize.
*whew* I made it over here in time!!! lol
ReplyDeleteI so love your posts, are you my brother from another mother?! lol
Manners are H-U-G-E for me! My dad made sure we always said, "yes ma'am", hold doors, let older people go first or sit down, etc. And if we didn't, hoo wee did we get it when we got home! LOL
Recently I said "Sir" to a guy and he did the whole, "Don't do that, it makes me feel old" B.S. that I HATE! So I told him real quick, "Listen, I'm not calling you old, silly, I'm showing you respect."
I may only be in my 30s, but I LOVE being called "Ma'am". To me it's the ultimate sign that a stranger is taking the time to be kind to me. And who hates that? Crazy people, that's who. lol
To all: Thanks SO much for all of the great comments! I could relate to each and every experience (good or bad) that you all shared. Tomorrow the winner and prize will be announced. Thanks again, and if you haven't commented yet, you've still got time.
ReplyDeleteCheers!
Love this post, Darrin. I'm sorry you had an encounter with some rude folks...such is why I ALWAYS say thank-you when anybody (male or female) holds a door open for me, and try to do the same when I can! Don't let them get you down; you sound like a nice man and a good dad. Your children will thank you for the manners you've passed down to them some day. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's an uphill struggle to have any kind of civility these days. Not long ago a minister - let me repeat that, A MINISTER - in our area (we live in Redmond, Washington) said "If I was in a drugstore and some guy opened the door for me, I'd rip his arm off and beat him with the wet end."
ReplyDeleteHe's an ex NFL player and was implying that common courtesy between men was effeminate.
Michelle My Belle: And you sound like my kind of upstanding, kind, courteous citizen girlie! Thanks for the kind words!!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous: Wow!! Some people are like School on Sunday.... "NO CLASS". Heh heh.